Spooky Boyfriend #5

Take Your Child To Work Day

Something in this barbershop is going to make
Jane feel good about herself. Oh honey, don’t touch

That too hard or it will die in the middle of a space-
Time continuum. She co-opted gypsy cab culture

Like it was nothing. And after lunch hour, a professional
Got locked in the curing unit. Jane trembled appeasingly –

That’s some fate worse than, that’s some fate worse than.

Take Your Child To Work Day

Oh, she was covered in good-luck-with-that’s. In sexy,
Brainy bed sores. Here’s a smart bomb for you, a smart

Bomb for you, and…the two in back are going to have to share.
Jane couldn’t for the life of her. Come on now, it’s good practice

For when you’re actually of age. Now, who wants to learn
How to compose a ransom note? So, she said, yes inspector,

That feather duster was always supposed to have gone there.

Take Your Child To Work Day

At this stage, everything feels catastrophic. Remember kids,
Only losers cross picket lines in pairs. It’s a shame Jane’s not taller –

She could almost pass for one of them. Piano wire, yes and acres
Of minors skirmishing. Everyone is either aggressive or passive

Aggressive. Hobbled to an abacus. This machine is the best
Jane can do and we love her for it. Stare like we’re downtown.

Because those bags make us look like we’re terrible doctors.

Take Your Child To Work Day

The ambassador turned his knife towards the waitress
And that was that. Jane’s job description may be ahistorical,

But at least it contains a surprising number of references
To dinosaurs. In grammar school, we only looked at art

That was dead on. Everyone wore black to the potluck?
And security mistook Jane for an actress of consequence.

Then there was no telling what else she might say us.

Take Your Child To Work Day

Jane’s supervisor thinks the room could use a few more
Heartstopping animals. And maybe, finally, an explanation

For all of this clapping. At the sound of the beep, everyone shout
Out their preferred blade size. Though we really did lose a lot

When we outsourced our witch detectors. She doesn’t know
What it means, but she likes it dirty. Fucking foreigners. Sorry,

Jane thought she was on speakerphone. No, no, we’ll hold.

Daniela Olszewska is the author of the chapbooks The Partial Autobiography of Jane Doe (dancing girl press), Resort to Humming (Scantily Clad Press), The Twelve Husbands of Citizen Jane (Beard of Bees Press, forthcoming), and The Twelve Wives of Citizen Jane (Spooky Girlfriend Press, forthcoming).  She is an Assistant Editor at Switchback Books and the Poetry Editor for Black Warrior Review.

Daniela had to duct tape the cabinet below her kitchen sink shut to prevent the bats that live in the walls from flying into her apartment.